There used to be an old SCTV skit called “The Farm Film Bureau Report.” In it, two guys wearing bib overalls rated movies by how well everything blew up. Terminal Velocity is their kind of flick, since its only redeeming virtue is that a few things “blow up good.” You even get to see a car fall five miles and splatter across half of the Southwest.
Unfortunately, the movie's two negligible stars are not in the vehicle. It's a shame – some people would pay full admission to see Charlie Sheen and Nastassja Kinski crash something more than just their careers.
Of course, with a cast headed by this dubious duo, Terminal Velocity instantly earns a footnote in the annals of “Le Bad Cinema.” Its goofy plot line doesn't help: it's an incoherent story about good ex-KGB agents battling it out against bad ex-KGB thugs with ol' Charlie as a red-blooded American skydiver/stripper (I'm not making this up) who gets involved because he wants to jump Kinski's bones. Obviously, the end of the Cold War has put a real strain on the “patriotic ideal” bit.
Some of the movie's stunt work is spectacular, but the film's sluggish pace causes attention spans to drop as fast as a brick. It doesn't help that Sheen's method of fleshing out his character is to play dumber as the plot drags on. (He may set a record for the amount of penis jokes used in a motion picture, however). Sometimes, you have to wonder if Martin Sheen ever considered changing his stage name.
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