Getting Even With Dad

What can you say about a movie that was directed by the guy who did the pilot episode of Melrose Place, produced by the team that did Fatal Instinct, scripted by the two nitwits who wrote The Flintstones and stars Ted Danson and Macaulay Culkin? You could say, "Run for the exits!"

Getting Even With Dad is the latest laughless comedy about an obnoxious kid who outwits a gang of stupid crooks. The new twist is that the kid's father is the dimwitted leader of the pack.

Danson plays a professional thief and part-time cake decorator who's seen his young son only on the rare occasions when he wasn't in prison. Culkin plays the resentful lad who's dumped by his aunt onto dear ol' dad's lap after a five-year separation from his pathetic patriarch of barely plausible pathos(Pa for short.) The only thing they share in common is a taste for cosmetics. Danson goes through the movie wearing a silly wig and ponytail, while Culkin appears to be wearing lipstick.

Dad has just pulled off the heist of his career, and baby boy seizes this grand opportunity to become the center of dad's attention. Culkin hides the loot, agreeing to return it only if pa starts coughing up that crucial father-son bonding stuff. You know, like baseball games in the middle of the afternoon and visits to all of the muse­ums in San Francisco, where they live. Of course, Danson's first impulse is to strangle the little tyke. (But why should he? Then the audience won't have a chance.)

Getting Even With Dad is being released for Father's Day. Unfortunately, the title is appropriate rather than ironic. Send dad to watch it alone - you don't want to suffer with him.